I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Randomize
