i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Randomize
