I just pynch a tree in the face
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
