i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
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