You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
