Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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