You work out of a Hotel?
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Randomize
