apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
