i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
Randomize
