This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
