I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
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