just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Randomize
