I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
