Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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