News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
my god I love twenty year old dicks
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
