okay pat passed out under dana's car
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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