You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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