Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize