Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Randomize
