you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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