Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Randomize
