In the future we'll all be gay
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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