Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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