Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize