I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
