I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Randomize
