Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
