tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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