jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
