That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
