God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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