Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
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