He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Randomize
