you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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