wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
