Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize
