oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
