They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Randomize
