the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
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