I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
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