I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
