I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
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