Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
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