My first STD was from a foam party
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Just high enough for therapy.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
