oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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