Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Randomize
