Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
