the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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