My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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