just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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