I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
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