I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Randomize
