Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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