Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Randomize
