is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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