i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I got inside last night via doggy door
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
