And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Randomize
