So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Randomize
