After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
