Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
