Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Randomize
