just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
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isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
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Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
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