you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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